Just in Time for Valentine's

Someone has a crush on my car -

It must be that intriguing crack in the windshield that got him all excited.

A coworker agrees with me that it's a parts dealer or car lot tactic. Still, a funny note to find at the end of the workday - tucked under my wipers on a rainy night. Which is why I think it's a professional. He thought to use permanent marker and paper thick enough hold up in the rain. Thoughtful touches.

If ifs and ands were pots and pans

This nursery rhyme fell in my head a few days ago for no apparent reason:

If wishes were horses
beggars would ride
If turnips were watches
I'd wear one by my side
And if ifs and ands
were pots and pans
there'd be no work for tinkers!

As I worked through remembering all the words and recalling how old I was when I scanned this poem in the big Mother Goose book we had, as well as how much my little brain puzzled over what a tinker was and how watches were worn at the side, I also started thinking about how credit cards have become our wishes and turnips. The nursery ryhme doesn't cover what happens when the horses and watches turn back into wishes and turnips. Based on the economic state of things the last few years, it's not pretty.

Credit and overconsumption of goods could also contribute to why we buy new sets of pots and pans instead of waiting for the tinker to come through town and mend the ones we have. I won't make the case that waiting around for a scruffy old man to appear so you could use your favorite pot again is ideal, or that the poetry of a simpler rhythm of life makes up for the inconvenience of not being able to make enough soup at one go (though, unreasonably, I do think that's the case).

But the pursuit of ideals in the area of acquistion has a way of bending back on itself for the majority of us. As we strive to fill up our lives with the perfections the marketplace presents us we easily lose our grip on the reality of bank account balances and future needs. We begin to believe the dream is the reality and spend accordingly. The ignorant and the learned both do it, the poor and the wealthy. We all shamble around with our sets of turnips, taking joy in the present illusion and choosing not to investigate how or why the vegetables turned to watches.

Evolution of Loungewear

Sometimes I wonder at what point our action verbs change to reflect current technology. For example, when will we stop saying 'pick up the phone' or 'I'm going to hang up ' since now we flip our cells on and off? No more handset and cradle, yet our collective conscious still faintly hears a click and a thunk, rather than a blip and another blip. I sometimes still hear a rotary dial, but only in far off dreams.

A tangent on that got me thinking about that seductive phrase used in so many old movies, "I'm just going to slip into something more comfortable." The siren utters this and then re-emerges clad is some amazing, Star Trek-inspired lounging apparatus, usually with the same amount of fabric and ornateness, or more, than the gown she discarded.

I got to wondering what was more comfortable about them. Then I considered the undergarments she must have taken off:


One ad announced the amazing bonus, "...and you can bend!"

The other fact about this foundational equipment is that it looks rather impenetrable for any poor gentleman trying to 'get to know her better' and all that.

What with modern fashions being so much less confining than what the girdled eras demanded--if we accurately represented what would be more comfortable than our jeans and t-shirts--when a woman utters that phrase now it should strike terror in any man's heart, because this is probably what she'd come back wearing:

Side note: Kind of a bummer we are now only left with exercise programs and celery sticks to get the firm, sleek look that women through the ages have used whalebone, rubber and elastic to achieve.

Another Plug for October

October 14th is the Sweetest Day. Not as magnificent as the fact that it is National Doughnut Month, but pretty cool, none-the-less.


"Everyone who loves candy should make it party of his general food consumption.--Let candy be made part of the meal. Let it be taken immediately at the close of the meal as a part of the dessert. Then it does you no harm." (click on picture for full article)

Seems that the Sweetest Day of the Year came into being in 1921 when a candy company employee helped deliver sweets to orphans, shut-ins and other down-on-their-luck folk. It devolved, as so many things do, into a day to buy a box of candy for the person who will be most annoyed if you don't and was later also advertised, more honestly, as Candy Day. But then, tell me who doesn't need a Candy Day?

Birthday Breakfast

A friend and I made our way to a diner in Sellwood I have seen often but never investigated. I had an immediate sensory, "I LIKE" entering the tiny, bright, retro space. The extra chit-chat on the menu placed it in a special heart place. For example:

The "Special Order" Yes we know who you are; you're the one trying to impress everyone within earshot that you can create something really "Awesome"......Here at Bertie Lou's Cafe you will find us to be Culinary Prostitutes and we'll cook anything you want, any way you want...for "enough" cash.

I think that's close to what it said. I may have to get back there and double-check for accuracy. And try another of the five or ten menu items that called to me.

good flipping grief!: http://community.livejournal.com/vintage_ads/88173.html
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Please, sir, might I have a guilt trip with that?

More amazing WWII "motivational" posters. It seems there was little room for self-absorption in this era. Interesting how advertising can shape a generation of thought.

Again, such a different approach to adversity than we now use. I believe our current mantra goes something like, "Ignore, ignore, ignore."

Loads more here: http://www.legion.org/whatsnew/posters

Back to Bizzaro

Who better than the British to lighten a mood with their 'interesting' food and excellent adverts.

February 29 Has More Dangers Than Realized

And here I was thinking it was the brandy and sodas that weakened resistance.

image borrowed from: http://neatocoolville.blogspot.com/

Caffeinated Theology

An e-mail exchange a few months back, brought on by a late show and work the next day:

L
And on the eighth day God realized he had to get back to work. Yet he was still tired. So God said, Let there be coffee! And lo! There was coffee, and it was dark, and it was fragrant, and it was good. And God said, Let us make this a benefit to mankind as well, that they might be comforted and enlivened thusly. And it was so.

But the serpent was crafty and whispereth into mankind’s ear, Ye need not spend so much time preparing thy coffee, nor provide such costly beverages to thy people. And he sheweth unto them the vacuum seal and the freeze-dry packets. And he compareth the price points and the abundance that could be had thereof. And mankind placeth these products throughout a multitude of office break rooms. And lo, much of mankind was grieved and sometimes wroth: Especially when presented with the non-dairy creamer.

But God had compassion on the low estate of his creation. And he alloweth Stumptown and its divers offspring to thrive in various regions, giving hope and succor to those thirsting for more than the airpot could offer. And when it could be found, it was blessed and it was good.

T
And lo, Cain took the goodness that God hath given and drinking of God's abundance to excess was overcome by unholy jitters. Upon seeing his brother, Abel, free from the dark eye circles and grumpiness that oft accompanies deprivation of sleep and related caffeine drunkenness, he gave into his jealous rage. Taking unto his hand an espresso portafilter, Cain smote his brother until his well-rested soul had fled his body. Upon seeing his brother's lifeless visage, Cain's rage gave way to shame and fear and he made haste to bury Abel's body under a mound of used coffee grounds.

God, in his infinite goodness, questioned Cain as to his brother's whereabouts. Cain was helpless to hide his guilt and shame and led God to the mound of grounds where he had hidden Abel's body. God's wrath rained down upon Cain like unto cowboy coffee atop an unruly bonfire and God said unto Cain, "You hath taken the goodness of my roasters and done unspeakable evil with it! For this reason you shall henceforth be banished to wander all of your remaining days among the robusta brews of see-through coffee coffee-houses!"

L
“And if thou attemptest to improve the flavor of thy cup, thou shalt be repaid with syrups and sugars contained therein, to turn thy stomach and makest thee remember and repent of thy misuse of my good gifts.”

Epilogue
Lest one think that the serpent is seen no more, be warned, he has only taken a more devilish form:

While Westernized societies continue to wave aside the effects of too much coffee as simply physical reaction to excess consumption, a few brave, wise souls have done what they can to let the public know the true cause of this potential societal downfall. For more information regarding the devil known as Mr. Coffee Nerves, go here: http://www.lileks.com/comics/coffnerv/coff1/index.html

(Please note, while tone of the link is derogatory, the facts just may well be true.)

Reviewing the Review

I love a good short and sweet review. From the Willamette Week:

College students trip on wild mushrooms, get killed by an ax murderer. To summarize: dude. Dude. Dude! Thud.

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When even the positive reviews plastered on the movie poster make you scratch your head, you might want to just stay home and rediscover books.

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Cube With A View

My window at my job (yay! I have a window!) faces the freeway.
Sometimes I see things that make glad to work here instead of somewhere else. A semitruck just went by emblazoned with this logo:

If that doesn't say yum! I don't know what does.

Their company tagline: "We are pleased to meet you, and have meat to please." For serious.

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Not Stupid Advertising

If I had the time/desire to memorize a commercial, it would be this one. Thank you, Jordan!

Stupid Advertising

Alternate Title: What The Duck???

Who is the target audience here? Did ANYONE think about that?


A pierced and punked duck of no particular cartoon origin, unless I am completely out of the loop on kids cartoons. (Which, come to think of it, I am.)

However, all I can glean from this packaging is pure market share desperation. And that it's not for weight control--so just back off, dieting people!

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CA-RAE-zY

I can't get over these ads! Who would have thought that we now buy more junk to support a war instead of this:

This was an ad in VOGUE!!! Can you imagine it there now? And this in the Saturday Evening Post:

The War Advertising Council and the War Finance Committee were commissioned to create the largest advertising campaign in history, including ads like these about conserving (MAKE DO...OR DO WITHOUT, what a concept!). For the good of the country. To bring the boys home. To win a war. Now we buy more cars and junk at 0% interest and spend, spend, spend. To win a war. To bring them home.

I am flabbergasted. Our collective memory is unforgivably short-term. But then, I am also wondering about the responsibilities of the-powers-that-be. They were the ones who commissioned these ads and aren't they in some way the ones allowing the new deluge. Why the change?