In her imaginary supermarket an aisle was filled with boxes of women, smiling through cellophane covers like the Barbies she’d been transfixed with as a child. Women sorted by size, season, color, mood. He could go shopping for what struck his fancy. Did he want good conversation? Here’s your book-ish girl with a Neil Gaiman novel tucked under her arm and a ‘Live Green’ button on her bike bag. Flattering his own sense of taste by affirming what he liked. Or did he want to go hiking? Here she is, accessories include her Gore-Tex boots, sports bra and a tent for two. Maybe just a fun weekend in town, good food, interesting film and a cozy bar afterward. Major overstock on that model. So many floating around this city that they come at a discount. Any one of them interested in spending time with a decent to semi-decent guy. And, mind you, they all come with the same lovely accessory underneath their vintage thrift jeans, cargo hiking shorts or J. Crew mini-skirt. That one, endlessly appealing product.
According to confident friends, there was a corresponding man-aisle. They sauntered through as needed, pulling out their preference from what was available, crowing of their ‘find’, the trinkets he came with, the recorded phrases he could say if the right string was pulled. She’d thought if she stayed away from that aisle it would keep her from being shelved in her own. But now, in her tidied apartment with a bag of his things at the door, she couldn’t escape feeling she’d been placed in his discard box of ‘pals’ (barring any unnecessary drama on her part) and he was making his way back to the supermarket to peruse the next possibility.
A disturbing voice sidled in to her thoughts, asking how she could be sure she hadn’t been browsing the aisles as well, disguising with sentimentality what boiled down to an extended transaction, something to soothe her loneliness and build her ego for a time. She too, would make her trip back to the store, list of ideals in hand. Her only answer at this point was that she hadn’t intended to be. A cheap comfort.
