Women's Magazines

I bought this magazine a while back out if a dusty bin in a dustier antique store.



From the pages I gather that the goal of being 'the most beautiful woman in the world' is to land Joe Handsome, ensuring safety and security the rest of your days. And you MUST do this before the wrinkles and jaded p.o.v. sets in.

Articles include how to dress, how to apply Cleopatra-style eyeliner, advice on Learning To Love (a personal favorite) and a badly written story of, of course, a sweet country girl moving to the city, finding a job as a secretary and unwittingly enchanting her older, handsome boss. He proposes at the end. No need for fleeing lecherous arms in this woman's weekly! (Oh dear, that would be an example of jaded p.o.v. Must work on self-editing.)

If none of the advice and fable-like inspiration helps in the quest for perfection, there are pills, loads of pills. Such as these:

This is so terribly far away from the gaunt Calvin Klein ads.
I wonder if the instructions say to stir one pill into one bowl of ice-cream per meal?
I love the body-less men, each with a neat bow-tie, gazing up in adoration at her many attractions. The men have no hands, once again reinforcing the idea that lascivious groping is not a price one has to pay for being curvalicious. Men only want a chance to gaze adoringly.

There are also special dumbbells, hair curlers and eyebrow stencils (to get that perfect line). If all that fails, well, there is one small hope left: